You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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