Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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