Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i think i just lost a toe
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
