just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
