So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
