Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
