found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
