I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
