U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
