So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
