Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
