Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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