He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
