My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
