if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
