Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i have herpe
just one?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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