In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
