god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
