Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
