Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
there is glitter all over my balls
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