Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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