did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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