Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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