guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
