Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
