Betty ford says i'm here all night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
