i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
