its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
