You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize