After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
