There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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