So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
