due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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