Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
