I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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