I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
