Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
