MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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