did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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