i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
