hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
