my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
