well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
