I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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