i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
