You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
