ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
