dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
