I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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