party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Everything about him screamed your future.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
