I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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