I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
