Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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