Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You are a genius and a whore.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
