You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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