Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
