i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I need to stop coming to work sober
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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