We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
