I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
