Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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