It's Friday. Sex?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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