Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
