your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
